INQUIRE is a “mindful” choice leading to understanding, not simply asking questions. Inquiry is a sincere attempt to be “present” in the conversation. Inquire is the KEY QUADRANT that removes communication and relationship barriers. It is about discovering what people think, how they feel, what they value, their real intentions, and what they really want. It is also a chance to compare how you see, hear, and process the information you each have. If you Inquire, it shows you are open to questioning your own assumptions about events, behaviors, data, and people. It is not a one-way “grilling” of another to only get information out of them. It shows a sincere desire to understand.
INFORM is also a mindful choice. Informing reveals your thinking and feelings to others. It exposes what is in your mind and heart: what you value and hope to achieve. It is not to tell others what they think or feel, or what their intentions are. You cannot know what is in another’s mind. You can only see their behavior and hear their words. You can inform them of what you see or hear in their behavior and what your true intentions are. Then you can Inquire, asking them what their motivation and intentions are behind their behaviors and words.
CONCEAL is an ineffective habit that leads to poor results. Concealing is the opposite of Informing. It is often driven by negative emotion, especially fear and mistrust. We hide our thoughts, observations, perceptions, feelings, assumptions, intentions, and objectives. Sometimes we completely retreat from effectively communicating anything, positive or negative. We shut down, change the subject, or give someone the silent treatment. Concealing is communicating, but it only communicates in a negative way. It leaves a vacuum of information that leads to others questioning your intent. Don’t confuse silence with Concealing. Silence is crucial to Inquiring (you must listen). Balanced with Informing and listening, silence is very effective.
COERCE is the worst choice for communicating. It destroys relationships. Coercing is the opposite of Inquiring. It is driven, not only by negative emotion, but also by the need to control. We try to force others into something we want. We focus almost entirely on our own thoughts, observations and facts (as we see them), our feelings, assumptions, intentions, and objectives. We ignore these things in others. Coercing is not communicating. Don’t confuse boldness with Coercing. Being bold means you can express your thoughts, feelings, etc., without trying to control or shame another. When balanced with sincere Inquiring, bold Informing can be very effective.